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Casinos are basically Disneyland for adults, and we all know that the best Disney stories are the messed-up ones from behind the scenes where Goofy throws up into Mickey's head before a shift. Following that logic, we sat down with a veteran card dealer at the Mohegan Sun -- the second-largest casino in the United States -- and asked about all gambling and casinos stuff casinos don't want us to know.

You know that feeling when you're at the best part of a movie and suddenly feel nature calling? Have you ever thought: What if I just gambling and casinos in my pants? Then I wouldn't have to miss any of the action I wish I could tell you that http://caroljadesarah.info/tipico-casino-bonus.php patrons were a freak occurrence, but it actually became such a huge problem for us that the Mohegan Sun now has an environmental services team just to come in and take our soiled chairs away for deep-cleaning.

I have a patron who once sat down for a game, only to find poop on the chair from a previous player. One time a security guard spotted a customer walking out of the casino, shit plopping out of her pant leg with every step. Remember, this didn't happen in some shady, smoke-filled, gambling and casinos joint.

This is the Mohegan Sun we're talking about -- a huge, elegant casino with style and ambiance. Gambling and casinos Sun The brown-and-yellow motif really cuts down on cleaning costs. I recall one customer who found a happy medium between defiling our chairs and taking a break from gambling: He just stood up and discreetly pissed into a slot machine coin tray. Keep that in http://caroljadesarah.info/casino-majestic-miraflores.php gambling and casinos time you start scooping up your winnings.

Gambling is a very exciting thing, and sometimes that excitement gets all mixed up in sexual arousal: We've caught guys finger-banging their girlfriends under the roulette table and ladies giving handjobs at the poker table. What many patrons don't realize is that almost all casinos have damn near percent camera coverage. At the Mohegan Sun, this has allowed us to record everything from nip-slips to elevator sex to gambling and casinos banging in the slot machine corner.

I'm pretty sure that our surveillance guys can't even look at porn anymore because it feels too much like work. Here's a fun fact about most security guards: Technically, they can't search you, detain you, or even lay hands on you. Their job is strictly "observe and report. But the Mohegan Sun, like all Native Gambling and casinos casinos, is located on tribal land. That makes it part click a free and sovereign nation.

And as a sovereign gambling and casinos, they have the right to have their own police force, called the Mohegan Tribal Police, who provide security for the casino. These are not california northern casinos indian average rent-a-cops. They are trained law enforcement officers armed with Tasers, clubs, mace, and guns, which they can legally use on an unruly gambling and casinos without having to later answer for it to the state police.

Another thing the Mohegan Tribal Police can do is investigate crimes gambling and casinos haul your ass off to casino jail, which gambling and casinos will do if you try to cheat. We may not have AI super-software to help us catch con gambling and casinos like in Ocean's Thirteenbut remember our closed-circuit porn channel that I mentioned earlier?

There are seriously cameras everywhere, and people are watching. Just fumbling with your chips raises our suspicion. We even have special cameras that can read invisible ink, in case you try to mark cards or, I don't know, write secret smutty messages on the life-size Neil Diamond cutouts.

At the Mohegan Sun, the employee original vegas las casinos lot is located about a quarter of a mile from the casino. From there, the other dealers and I board a please click for source shuttle bus that takes us to a secret employee entrance, all to protect read article from the more unbalanced patrons.

Casino dealers only deal cards it's sort of in the name -- we don't control the cards and cannot influence the outcome of a deal, even if we wanted to. But we are often the last person a customer sees before going broke, and all that anger and read article has to be pointed at something.

Luckily, we aren't exactly left to fend for ourselves. Every pit boss has a secret panic button under their desk to summon security in case of an emergency. It's actually quite spectacular to see a bunch of black suits appear seemingly out of nowhere and subdue an angry customer. It's even more fun if they struggle, because then security straps them to a gurney to keep them from thrashing. Yes, it's an adult time-out bed. Poker, blackjack, roulette, craps -- call them whatever you like, they are gambling and casinos just different versions of Fuck Off, the popular casino click at this page where you give the house all your money and then you Unless you're a team kann 365 bet app die MIT grad students like in the movie 21you're probably not gonna beat the house.

Do you know why the movie's protagonists used blackjack to beat casinos? Because it has the best odds for players, giving them a 48 percent chance of winning.

Gambling and casinos is the best deal a casino can give you: But let's imagine that you beat the odds and hit the jackpot.

Celebrate quickly, because we'll get most of that money back before you leave the building. Every casino is a giant Skinner Box that records and analyzes the behavior of patrons.

That's how we've learned to only use smaller-denomination chips during payouts. By splitting your money, we make you more likely click to see more go for that one last bet before leaving, which of gambling and casinos quickly turns into the first of many bets you will make that night.

Even our money cages are designed so that you have to walk past rows and rows of tables to make it to them. And with no clocks or natural sunlight anywhere in the building, well, let's just say your typical casino makes the island of the lotus-eaters look like gambling and casinos TGI Friday's.

I can save myself a lot of time if I just give them all my money at once! Most casinos will cash a personal check with no charge. Sometimes, they'll even throw in a drink or a free pull on the slot machines. This is, of course, meant to get you to stay and gamble, but if you have enough willpower to stop yourself from doing that, you'll be able to use a casino to your advantage and not vice-versa. Then there's the food: The buffet at the Mohegan Sun is probably the best cost-value dining option in about 40 miles.

After the meal, you can enjoy the gambling and casinos, free bands. On weekends http://caroljadesarah.info/winner-casino-bonus-code-no-deposit.php actually get some pretty big names -- maybe not exactly the Billboard Topbut there's bound to be somebody exciting there sooner or later.

Just don't get too spin the wheel fortune. We have to clean that up, after all. Cezary Jan Strusiewicz gambling and casinos a Cracked columnist, interviewer, and editor. Contact him at c. For more insider perspectives, check out 4 Useful Things Forging Documents Taught Me About Your World and 6 Things No One Tells You About Living on a Farm.

Are you on reddit? Click on over to our best of Cracked subreddit. Have a story to share with Cracked? We spoke to Athene, as gambling and casinos as his friend and right-hand man Dries Leysen, to find out how deep this gambling and casinos rabbit hole goes. Cracked is a Scripps company brand. Login or Register Username.

Don't make me do this again. Browse By After Hours The Stumbling Dead Antiheroes Adventures in Jedi School Rom. More Events LinkSTORM The Cracked Podcast Craptions Classics Greatest Gambling and casinos The Cracked Bunker. Personal Experiences Weird World 5 Things Only Dealers Know About Gambling At A Casino 5 Things Only Dealers Know About Gambling and casinos At A Casino Facebook Twitter Google Plus Stumble Upon Reddit Pinterest By Cezary Jan Strusiewicz · ,  Anonymous · May 06, · 1, views.

Read Next I'm Here To Collect The Debt You Owe. Please Don't Kill Me. Recommended For Your Pleasure. To turn on reply notifications, click here.

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